Settling In

The days are beginning to flow one into the other as we attempt to recreate our daily routines and venture out on excursions, trying to establish some semblence of the life we used to have, the way we used to be, before.

Pau Pau Beach was soothing. We lay in the hot sun, slathered in suntan lotion, listening to strains of music wafting through the air. The music's coming from a radio brought by an island family enjoying a weekend party at the beach behind us. The tunes are from the eighties, and earlier, songs we haven't heard or thought about in a long time. Not current, but a step back in time. Someone has brought a kayak and is tooling about in the blue-green water. Howard goes to meet her and inquire about the possibilities of us finding such toys on the island.

I watch the beautiful children at play in the water, a small girl holding her smaller brother, making sure he's safe. Makes me think of my brother and how I wish it were so simple, to hold on tight and keep everyone safe. We walk on the beach on our tender Washington wintertime feet and don't make much progress in the rockier areas. Gotta bring water sandals next time. We don't stay too long, because I don't want to get sunburned. I've got lots of days before me.

Wings Beach the next day. The morning has been rough. I spot a young man at the gas station with dreadlocks. It brings to mind our family trip to Costa Rica when the kids braided their hair and Nathan attempted to get the Rastafarian look.

I begin to cry. The emotions roll inside of me and even though the island is filled with wonders, I still have a hole in my heart, and it's difficult to breathe sometimes. We cruise, visiting the other side of the island, scenic points and I begin to come back. We snorkel at Wings Beach and it's fabulous, floating and watching, in awe of the magic and diversity of life under the sea. I think of the debates people have regarding how many days, months, years, billions of years it took for the earth to be created and wonder why anyone really cares to argue the point. The fact is we live in and are part of a miraculous universe. There aren't answers to all the questions, but there are many grand statements. I take notice.

Another day off and another stretch of time to think, sadness sets in, will this ever go away? Ladder Beach is a beach in a cozy cove, with a large cave big enough to go into to get out of the rain or sun, if you want. We don't. We soak up the sun, swim in the water and watch the parade of clouds dancing overhead. We're all alone at first, but then we're joined by a family of young snorkelers and a vacationing couple from Japan or Korea, not sure exactly. When we go up, the Tasi Bus Tour guide asks us if the family below is Japanese or Korean or whatever? Seems a strange question to ask, but people do ask or tell us people's nationality alot here. We obviously don't have a clue. It begins to sprinkle rain, so we leave. Next we go to the store and purchase a coffee maker and coffeebean grinder. Ahhh! That's going to perk up my mornings!

The island changes everything that I habitually do. Jogging through the thick moist air over the sand is hard work, I'm slow and have to jog early or late, no in between. I've jogged three times so far. Not a record by any means, but I'm doing it. It was so hard to move just three short weeks ago. The food is sumptuous, but my stomach is out of control. I'm finding that vegies and fruit are the best things for me right now. Just until I get used the the different ingredients used here, I guess. I spend my mornings busy with work, buried in the everyday dilemmas that a programmer faces. It occupies my mind. The Phillipino housekeepers stop by daily to make the bed and straighten up my room. They're friendly and talkative. Chit is older, like me, and Stella is lively and young, like my Danielle. Stella dances and swoops around the room, sweeping and laughing and telling me all sorts of tales. She works at a beach bar down the road at night and wants me to come have a drink. She tells me that on the nearby islands of Palau and Yapp, the local women go about topless. She giggles freely, sharing this joke with me. Chit tells me all about the politics, modern history and problems of Saipan and the Phillipines. She used to work in the garment industry before it was shut down around 2004. She says the island used to have many more people and that now it is quiet, so many have left due to the decrease in jobs and the new clamp down on "aliens" and Visa requirements. She says the beaches used to be crowded and it was hard to find a parking space, which is definitely not a problem anymore. She used to often work in the factory from 7am until 11pm and seems to miss it. She made alot of money, working all that overtime. Such hard workers and such low pay, so sad. Chit says there were always activists outside the factories (amazing, huh?). But, not what you think, they were talking down the US, not wanting the US to gain control in Saipan. At least, I think that's what she was saying. But now she's very happy with what the US has brought to Saipan. Chit thinks people are very lucky here, unlike in the Phillipines, where the vote was against US control. She sees the benefits of the US in the food stamps and medical plans. The Phillipines have very, very rich folks and very, very poor folks, with few jobs, which are low paying. Everyone wants to leave. It's interesting hearing their viewpoint. I'm learning about the people and I like that.

Last night I talked to Danielle on Skype! It was awesome and lifted my spirits so much! After signing off with her, I was able to go about my new life with just a little more energy! Howard brought home a very fresh, just caught today, yellowfin tuna and I made coconut curry fish with a side of fresh vegies we bought at the farmer's market yesterday, bok choy, okra, eggplant and cabbage. It was delicious. After cleaning up the dishes, we went for a stroll down the beach road, browsing in the shops, peeking in the restaurant windows and watching our fellow tourist shoppers. I spotted a gecko like creature on the wall under the lights at our local Thai Restaurant, but I don't think there are geckos here. I'll have to look it up for you biologist types. It was really fun checking out a little bit of the night life in Saipan. I went to sleep last night feeling a little more at peace than I have in many days.

We're moving out of our comfy little hotel room tomorrow and into the new apartment! It's going to be great, although I think I'm going to miss my room being cleaned daily and chatting with the hotel staff. But I need some room to spread out and to start living in a real neighborhood. After work today, I finalized all our phone and internet connection paperwork and I think I have that under control. Very critical for a stay-at-home programmer. Then I had to have our brand new (to us) car jumpstarted! We brought it home last Friday, but didn't try to drive it again until Wednesday, and when we turned the key - nothing!! I hope it's not something real bad and expensive because I told Howard I didn't think we needed to have it checked out by a mechanic before buying! Not so smart. But the jumpstart seems to have worked and I was able to tool around town a little in a car, something new for me. I've been walking everywhere. When I got back, I walked to the beach to read and relax. I'm waiting for Howard to come home, so we can go to the Thursday night arts and crafts market. We were going to go last week, but were just too exhausted. Maybe we'll make it there tonight.

I just checked my email and received the sad news that my friend Crystal's mom just had a heart attack. Crystal is on her way down to California to be with her. My heart aches again. I know the pain she is going through now so personally. My thoughts are with her. I'll try to send all the energy and support I can from so many miles away. What a roller coaster life is. It's up, it's down and it spins you around. I just walked out onto the lanai and watched the sunset. So beautiful, pink and orange, through the palm trees. I hope Crystal's mom is getting better, that her pulse is gaining strength. Steadily, the pulse of life goes on and on. I miss you, Nathan. I wish there was a Skype where you are now.