Settling In

The days are beginning to flow one into the other as we attempt to recreate our daily routines and venture out on excursions, trying to establish some semblence of the life we used to have, the way we used to be, before.

Pau Pau Beach was soothing. We lay in the hot sun, slathered in suntan lotion, listening to strains of music wafting through the air. The music's coming from a radio brought by an island family enjoying a weekend party at the beach behind us. The tunes are from the eighties, and earlier, songs we haven't heard or thought about in a long time. Not current, but a step back in time. Someone has brought a kayak and is tooling about in the blue-green water. Howard goes to meet her and inquire about the possibilities of us finding such toys on the island.

I watch the beautiful children at play in the water, a small girl holding her smaller brother, making sure he's safe. Makes me think of my brother and how I wish it were so simple, to hold on tight and keep everyone safe. We walk on the beach on our tender Washington wintertime feet and don't make much progress in the rockier areas. Gotta bring water sandals next time. We don't stay too long, because I don't want to get sunburned. I've got lots of days before me.

Wings Beach the next day. The morning has been rough. I spot a young man at the gas station with dreadlocks. It brings to mind our family trip to Costa Rica when the kids braided their hair and Nathan attempted to get the Rastafarian look.

I begin to cry. The emotions roll inside of me and even though the island is filled with wonders, I still have a hole in my heart, and it's difficult to breathe sometimes. We cruise, visiting the other side of the island, scenic points and I begin to come back. We snorkel at Wings Beach and it's fabulous, floating and watching, in awe of the magic and diversity of life under the sea. I think of the debates people have regarding how many days, months, years, billions of years it took for the earth to be created and wonder why anyone really cares to argue the point. The fact is we live in and are part of a miraculous universe. There aren't answers to all the questions, but there are many grand statements. I take notice.

Another day off and another stretch of time to think, sadness sets in, will this ever go away? Ladder Beach is a beach in a cozy cove, with a large cave big enough to go into to get out of the rain or sun, if you want. We don't. We soak up the sun, swim in the water and watch the parade of clouds dancing overhead. We're all alone at first, but then we're joined by a family of young snorkelers and a vacationing couple from Japan or Korea, not sure exactly. When we go up, the Tasi Bus Tour guide asks us if the family below is Japanese or Korean or whatever? Seems a strange question to ask, but people do ask or tell us people's nationality alot here. We obviously don't have a clue. It begins to sprinkle rain, so we leave. Next we go to the store and purchase a coffee maker and coffeebean grinder. Ahhh! That's going to perk up my mornings!

The island changes everything that I habitually do. Jogging through the thick moist air over the sand is hard work, I'm slow and have to jog early or late, no in between. I've jogged three times so far. Not a record by any means, but I'm doing it. It was so hard to move just three short weeks ago. The food is sumptuous, but my stomach is out of control. I'm finding that vegies and fruit are the best things for me right now. Just until I get used the the different ingredients used here, I guess. I spend my mornings busy with work, buried in the everyday dilemmas that a programmer faces. It occupies my mind. The Phillipino housekeepers stop by daily to make the bed and straighten up my room. They're friendly and talkative. Chit is older, like me, and Stella is lively and young, like my Danielle. Stella dances and swoops around the room, sweeping and laughing and telling me all sorts of tales. She works at a beach bar down the road at night and wants me to come have a drink. She tells me that on the nearby islands of Palau and Yapp, the local women go about topless. She giggles freely, sharing this joke with me. Chit tells me all about the politics, modern history and problems of Saipan and the Phillipines. She used to work in the garment industry before it was shut down around 2004. She says the island used to have many more people and that now it is quiet, so many have left due to the decrease in jobs and the new clamp down on "aliens" and Visa requirements. She says the beaches used to be crowded and it was hard to find a parking space, which is definitely not a problem anymore. She used to often work in the factory from 7am until 11pm and seems to miss it. She made alot of money, working all that overtime. Such hard workers and such low pay, so sad. Chit says there were always activists outside the factories (amazing, huh?). But, not what you think, they were talking down the US, not wanting the US to gain control in Saipan. At least, I think that's what she was saying. But now she's very happy with what the US has brought to Saipan. Chit thinks people are very lucky here, unlike in the Phillipines, where the vote was against US control. She sees the benefits of the US in the food stamps and medical plans. The Phillipines have very, very rich folks and very, very poor folks, with few jobs, which are low paying. Everyone wants to leave. It's interesting hearing their viewpoint. I'm learning about the people and I like that.

Last night I talked to Danielle on Skype! It was awesome and lifted my spirits so much! After signing off with her, I was able to go about my new life with just a little more energy! Howard brought home a very fresh, just caught today, yellowfin tuna and I made coconut curry fish with a side of fresh vegies we bought at the farmer's market yesterday, bok choy, okra, eggplant and cabbage. It was delicious. After cleaning up the dishes, we went for a stroll down the beach road, browsing in the shops, peeking in the restaurant windows and watching our fellow tourist shoppers. I spotted a gecko like creature on the wall under the lights at our local Thai Restaurant, but I don't think there are geckos here. I'll have to look it up for you biologist types. It was really fun checking out a little bit of the night life in Saipan. I went to sleep last night feeling a little more at peace than I have in many days.

We're moving out of our comfy little hotel room tomorrow and into the new apartment! It's going to be great, although I think I'm going to miss my room being cleaned daily and chatting with the hotel staff. But I need some room to spread out and to start living in a real neighborhood. After work today, I finalized all our phone and internet connection paperwork and I think I have that under control. Very critical for a stay-at-home programmer. Then I had to have our brand new (to us) car jumpstarted! We brought it home last Friday, but didn't try to drive it again until Wednesday, and when we turned the key - nothing!! I hope it's not something real bad and expensive because I told Howard I didn't think we needed to have it checked out by a mechanic before buying! Not so smart. But the jumpstart seems to have worked and I was able to tool around town a little in a car, something new for me. I've been walking everywhere. When I got back, I walked to the beach to read and relax. I'm waiting for Howard to come home, so we can go to the Thursday night arts and crafts market. We were going to go last week, but were just too exhausted. Maybe we'll make it there tonight.

I just checked my email and received the sad news that my friend Crystal's mom just had a heart attack. Crystal is on her way down to California to be with her. My heart aches again. I know the pain she is going through now so personally. My thoughts are with her. I'll try to send all the energy and support I can from so many miles away. What a roller coaster life is. It's up, it's down and it spins you around. I just walked out onto the lanai and watched the sunset. So beautiful, pink and orange, through the palm trees. I hope Crystal's mom is getting better, that her pulse is gaining strength. Steadily, the pulse of life goes on and on. I miss you, Nathan. I wish there was a Skype where you are now.

Soaking in the Sun and the Cleansing Warm Tropical Waters

We had a very wonderful weekend. It was actually the FIRST time we went into the warm ocean waters since we've been here. Hard to believe, but that is how busy we've been, mostly spending our hard earned money. We bought a 2002 white Toyota Echo and of course, it was more than we thought it would be.

We first started looking at older, cheaper cars and these turned out to definitely be “you get what you pay for”. One 2000 echo we looked at was great running except for noises in the air conditioning so I took it by the Toyota dealer and they verified the problem – a/c compressor and a/c clutch, $1650 to fix!! So we started looking at a little younger and found this one. The way to find used cars on the island is to drive down Beach Road (by the way there are only 3 main N-S roads on the island – beach road on the west, middle road and back road on the east) and scope out the cars sitting in the church parking lots, especially the one that sits across the street from the only KFC on the island. This is the type of directions you get here on the islands. No addresses, really no street names unless the main ones, just – “you know the Canton market, turn right there…”. We spent one entire afternoon trying to find a car we wanted to look at, "lost" on an island. Doesn’t matter right, we’re on island time now!

Then of course we had to hook up our electricity requiring another down payment and deposit. The same for our rental apartment – first months rent and a security deposit. Cha-ching! Next, we bought some outdoor furniture for our patio, so our visitors have something to sit on when visiting. And finally, but not least, was getting internet, a very important item for Cheri (and her boss!), and so we can stay in touch with all of you!

If only I could record what just happened outside our hotel – something which has been recurring the last few days. Tremendous amounts of fireworks! It is the Chinese New Years – the year of the Tiger! Nathan would have loved these fireworks, and with no restrictions, going off at all hours.

On Friday I got to go out in the field on a shorebird-waterbird survey and went to a tiny little pond in the middle of a Saipan neighborhood – Koblerville, and saw some great new birds. Non-Birders skip to next paragraph! Here is a list of birds seen at the pond and the rest of the day:

- Little Egret             - Black-winged Stilt                   - Yellow Bittern
- our usual but beautiful Northern Pintails                    - Eurasian Wigeon
- Garganey (female)  - Common Moorhens                - Lesser Golden Plover (lots)

- Common Sandpiper     - Black-headed Gull                - Common Snipe
- Common Greenshank (quick look)                              - Marsh Sandpiper
- Wood Sandpiper         - Island Collared Dove            - White-throated Ground Dove

– Collared Kingfisher

- Rufous Fantail               - Micronesian Starling               - Nightingale Reed Warbler
- Micronesian Honeyeater - Golden White-eye (Wow!)   - Bridled White-eye
- Orange-cheeked Waxbill (non-native)                           - Eurasian Tree Sparrow (non-native)

Quite a day!!



On Saturday, as I mentioned above, Cheri and I went to the beach for our FIRST SWIM – PauPau Beach. As you can tell from the pictures – it is just gorgeous!!

It is still shocking to us just how beautiful this place is. Everything here is soft – soft and warm air, the tropical waters feel so soft, the soft sand, and the soft people. Just what we need since we are off on our own. We slathered on our spf 50 sunblock and laid out, swam and walked the beach. It is the most refreshed I have seen Cheri – actually both of us, since December. Water, it is and always has been refreshing, cleansing, renewing!

Paupau Beach!

On Sunday, Valentines Day, we found some patio furniture on our local Saipan craigslist – garagesale.saipan.com , that we ended up buying – see Cheri with her new purchase.

Then we were close to an eastside beach called “Forbidden Island” so I took off to show Cheri. It is an isolated cove with a steep trail and of course, just gorgeous. You probably can’t tell in the photo but there was one couple down at the beach. A common occurrence and this was a Sunday.

After we drove back to our “new apartment” and dropped off the furniture, we headed off for “Wings” beach.

Another beautiful beach and this time we had our snorkeling gear. So in we went and got our first look underwater at the Saipan ocean. Ohhh, how nice just to watch these small reef fish, floating with the tidal action, the slower you go the more you see, so it just motivates one to slow down.

On Monday, President’s Day, we just lolled around in the morning and then around noon took off for another beach on the south side – Ladder Beach. We didn’t know what to expect, but knew there were going to be steps or who knows, even a ladder to get down the cliff. Well to our delight it was all in all, only about 20 steps down. And, NO people. We had our own little cove of a beach.

 

I haven’t spoken of Nathan, but on the way to this beach Cheri was having a very hard time, and then … so did I. I know it is because this is the first weekend we had to ourselves with not much to do! So idle time let’s the mind roam. We certainly don’t ever want to forget him, which of course we never could – he was such a big part of our lives -- we will always “keep the door open”. But that doesn’t make it easy. Like Saturday morning when I was getting us signed up for the internet, and there right in front of the guy who was helping me were some Ninja Turtle figures.

For those of you that don’t know, but Nathan grew up with (and therefore us as well) and never out grew the Ninja Turtles! He had all the movies and TV shows that had ever been produced. So those little things, those big reminders are all over because Nathan was so full of life! Intellectually we know this was wonderful, but we are still emotionally raw and at times get moved out of the present into either the past or future!! No, no, no, no not a good idea – that is why the philosophy “be here now” part of our hippie roots, is such a good anthem, but something that is hard to follow at times too.

Here are some good and relevant quotes from a book Karin gave us before we left, “Healing After Loss” by Martha Whitmore Hickman:

“And can it be that in a world so full and busy, the loss of one weak creature makes a void in any heart, so wide and deep that nothing but the width and depth of eternity can fill it up.”

- Charles Dickens

“The mind has a dumb sense of vast loss – that is all. It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather the details and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.”

- Mark Twain

“Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries.”

- Corita Kent

Nathan – these thoughts and feelings are dedicated to you, our wonderful son!

A New Dimension - jettisoned to Saipan (Howard)

Hi Everyone! We miss all of you. It is like we entered a new dimension- a new reality. A beautiful dimension, somewhat a dream but one that is completely different than our lives were just less than a month ago. Hey Mike and Crystal can we play cards? Tom let’s cook some ribs. Karin & Marc, Steve & Linda, Doug & Jeanne, and Gary & Laurie lets go cross country skiing, snowshoeing or downhill. Doug and Jeanne what is the next concert we’re going to? Or let’s go over to Kristin and Terry’s for BBQ. Peggy and Jim, Gary and Laurie when are we going to stuff ourselves with sushi by buying a “boat” at Sushiyamas? Reminiscing, something that Cheri and I do more now than we used to. We have been soooo busy, but enjoyably busy, maybe that is it – keeping our minds occupied, looking for a house, looking for a car to buy, looking at what cell phone service we can get, getting set up at my new work, getting used to our new hours, etc… just “getting on with life” as Cheri as said. But then there are times like this morning that Nathan “visits” us more than other times. Images come up in the head, those last minutes of his life are vivid, wishing we could have done more. Reminiscing, wishing we had spent more time with him, talking to him, getting to know him better than we did. Wondering if we somehow contributed to his death, dying that day before we were to leave! What if, we were talking this morning at 4am, what if we hadn’t even considered this job? Would it had extended his life? Would we still be in that alternate dimension with us being with all of you, in our big old beautiful house, and Nathan still hanging around?? But if we had, and Nathan had still died, could we have stayed anyway? What would we have done then? Big Questions, so big, I can’t answer them. There are no answers. No real solutions. Just it is!

Well if anyone made it through this, thanks. It is rough at times. A real ride on a series of highs and lows; but less or less drastic these days. Living here is very comforting. It's like we have been wrapped in a very warm blanket. Not too hot but just comfortable. We are able to jog along the beach. Eat and drink from coconuts, papayas, guava, star fruit, and mangoes. The food is great. Last night we went to the Tuesday night farmers market and had some most likely disgustingly unhealthy, but great tasting fried bananas wrapped in a thin flour shell! Delicious. We bought the rest of our dinner for both of us for 7 dollars. The night before we had fresh (I mean just caught 2 hours before) yellow tail tuna for dinner. The fish costs between $2.50 to $3.00 /lb at these little roadside stands. However, food at the store is quite a bit more expensive, so we just pick and choose our favorites. Most of the bread is the fluffy Wonderbread style, you know the kind you can roll into a little nickel size ball! But we did find a store that has some pretty decent whole wheat bread, but nothing like “Killer Dave’s Bread”.

The search for housing has been enjoyable. Such varied housing. A large modern beautiful home right next to what looks like extreme poverty, and all between. But the people seem very happy and healthy. Burglary is at one of its high points we hear. The economy is very poor here, lots of people out of work. In fact, I have to tell one of my new employees that CNMI is going to have austere Friday’s – every Friday they will have to take off without pay! Sad. So at my first staff meeting, I will have to let one of my new employees know.

Back to housing. The choices available are quite variable, but fall into a couple of categories: close into town and the beach, but older, less maintained and more expensive; midway up the mountain (remember this is a volcanic island, so from coastline up the hill), still fairly close to the beach, but a little farther up the hill making it harder to ride a bike or walk, with moderate prices, but now getting nice ocean views and nice breezes; and finally, towards the top of the hill, with magnificent views, good breezes, but hard to get to beach but foot or bike and most expensive. So, as usual for us, we have found one we think in between! But as Cheri says it is a house with a view out of a dream! It is fantastic. You guys won’t believe it. And it won’t be too hard to get back from the beach – maybe pushing the bike up some of the hill!! Good exercise, right. It has two bedrooms, and a large living room, so enough room for visitors (hint). And it has nice large patios for BBQing, drinking wine and gazing out at the ocean when you visit.

I'm enjoying my new job with CNMI fish & wildlife. It's just as I had thought – quaint and a little microcosm compared to WA state's wildlife department. I've spoken and met with probably 99% of the people, including the secretary of the Department of Lands and Natural Resources! In fact, he is giving Cheri and I a bbq out on the beach in front of my new office. The people I work with are great. Very easy to get along with and dedicated to the resources. Biologists are so awesome – non-pretentious, casual, kind, and just overall easy going. I have a nice new car assigned to me (thanks to federal government grants!). I have at least 10 or 12 new life birds I have seen, including the nightingale reed-warbler I got to see and hear this afternoon. I have so far only seen the northern half of the island. On Friday, I’ll be shown the southern portion, so I’ll take pictures so you can see that too. Tonight we went out to eat with the Saipan Wildlife crew at Wild Bills! Cheri said “Who picked this”!? But it turned out to have great food again. I had a fantastic green curry dish with shrimp and Cheri had tofu pad Thai. And for breakfast we’ll have starfruit, papaya, tangerines and local bananas! Well, now that I made you hungry I’ll sign off. Goodnight.

First Impressions (from Cheri)

It is with great trepidation that I venture into the land of the blog, but here goes! Howard and I have different writing styles, but my hope is that our voices will blend and harmonize on paper like the Indigo Girls do in song. We'll see...

After 17 hours of travel, Howard and I landed in Saipan at 1:30am, dazed, disheveled and disoriented in time. With only a few winks of sleep between us over the course of the last few weeks, we dove head first into Saipan life. Although the island and islanders are very laid back, we have been constantly busy and on the move since we arrived, trying to set up house here. Yesterday, we found an apartment, my dream house. So today is the first day I've been able to slow down, sit back, reflect and write, since our arrival in Saipan.

Saipan is warm and breezy, surrounded by beautiful teal and cobalt blue waters and white sandy beaches. The kind of place you try to conjure up when resting in corpse pose in yoga classs. The water stays shallow a long way out from the shore and there are no waves. The sunsets over the water are fabulous, pink and orange and purple. We experienced our first one Friday night while walking on the beach and then shared tropical drinks at a tiny beachside cabana outside the Hyatt. The people are friendly, welcoming us with wide, open smiles. They come from all over - the Philipines, Japan, Korea and locally - the Chamorros and Carolinians. Many of the women have a charming way of singing their English words when they talk. So lilting and sweet. The tempo of life on the island is relaxed. It often takes much longer to look at an apartment or house than you expect because people are often ready to draw you into long conversations and show you all around their property. Everywhere we look, we are assured that everyone in the neighborhood is a family member and therefore the area is quite safe. There are many large families and they group together on family land in neighborhoods and sections of town.

It's going to be fun trying out all the different cuisines in Saipan. We've already found great sushi, Thai food and a wonderfully bountiful farmer's market. The farmer's market had plantains and bananas, mangoes and papayas, long beans, bok choy, okra, tomatoes, some cucumber like thing (to name a few) ... and all kinds of precooked dishes, bbq chicken, bbq pork and chicken on sticks, empanadas, noodle dishes and on and on. We filled plates at the farmer's market last night for dinner. So good!! The night before we purchased local fish, sold out of coolers in the park and cooked it up in our hotel room! Mmmm! But it'll be even better when we have our kitchen set up and possibly a grill on the terrace.

Now, the other side. Of course, there is a yin and yang to every place and situation in life. There are roaming, stray, skinny dogs everywhere. Unneutered and fertile dogs, puppies galore. They call them booney dogs. There are also dozens of chickens and roosters crowing from various locations most of the day. The economy seems slow here, as it is elsewhere these days, with many closed and boarded up hotels and businesses lining the streets. The water is salty and can be brackish, so you can't drink from the tap. The salty air and water causes the sides of buildings to have blackish stains that they are constantly whitewashing, but really unable to keep up with. The people seem to be simple in dress and lifestyle, yet there's a mall here filled with stores like Luis Vuitton and Cartier. For the tourists, I suppose. Seems a little out of place to me. Good coffee and good wine are both hard to find, and anyone who knows me, knows those are two of my main staples in life!! Howard found out where to go to get some wine today, so don't be afraid to visit. We'll have it all figured out by the time you get here.

So, you probably want to know what we've been up to. Saturday and Sunday we spent searching all over the island for the perfect house. I'm going to continue programming from home like I've been doing for the past 22 years. The only drawback is that I have to work during US business hours so I can communicate with my coworkers in California. That means my work schedule is from 4am to noon, leaving my afternoons free to do as I please. So I want to find a place close enough to walk or ride a bike to the beach. That's our limiting factor in finding the perfect nest. We found a nice house high on Capital Hill, but unfurnished and too far from the beach. Scratch that out! We toured or drove by many large apartments with pools, but not really all that nice. A little like college dorm living and I'm just not into that right now. On Sunday, we drove to the other side of the island and found a nice apartment HIGH up on the hill and another beautiful house, but, again, they were a really long way from the beach and the house was too expensive. We were beginning to give up and decided to drive down to the beach to take a look. On the way down, we found another For Rent sign! What luck! We checked it out and it looked pretty good, especially with the ocean so close by. Wrong! We drove on down to see how far and the road went on forever, parallel to the shore, again up high. We finally reached the beach, a little disappointed in how far it was from the possible rental. Again, the beach was gorgeous with almost no other people around (not surprising as far down the dirt road we had to go to get there!) Upon making it down to the shoreline, we realized that this side of the island is mostly cliffy, with few beaches that were not very accessible, so we returned to Garapan to continue our search.

We had gotten many of our leads from friends and the internet and were running out of listings, so we began driving around, looking for For Rent signs and asking people we met along the way. We met the most incredible woman named Winnie (like Winnie the Pooh, she said) who had a place for rent, but she thought it was too big and too expensive for us. So she hopped in our car and took us to her sister-in-law's rental house. There we met her sister-in-law, Marguerita, who is a spry 75, and were shown the house. We were there for over an hour, eating star fruit from her trees, touring her land and her new erosion/flood control system she had just put in (concrete curbing running from the top to the bottom of her property, a long, long way!), visiting with her 6 dogs and just talking about stuff. They were a really warm, sweet family, but the house was in a valley and I think it would get really hot when summer arrives. I'm so picky!! We went to bed Sunday night, not much closer to finding that dream house.

Monday afternoon, after Howard got off work, we found 2 possible places to live, closer to the beach but high enough to get some breeze, and in safe neighborhoods. We were discussing these two locations on our way to the third and last apartment to visit that night. It was approaching dusk, but when we drove up, we were speechless. We got out of the car and before us was the most awesome, sweeping view of the ocean you could imagine. The sun was setting and I was in love. By the time the owner got there, it was getting pretty dark and there was no power inside the apartment, but I could still tell it was going to be just fine. It had a large terrace looking out on that view and plenty of space for me to work at home comfortably. I was sold, and since Howard's so easy to get along with, so was he. We went back over during the day on Tuesday and it was just as beautiful as I thought. So that's where we're going to live, moving in February 19th. I can't wait!

We've managed to keep ourselves active, exploring and starting a new life. This has helped to keep the darkest thoughts and moods at bay. A little. But during the quiet moments and as we begin to slow down, the sadness starts to creep back in. I hope we can begin to replace the bad memories with all the wonderful memories we have of Nathan. It's going to be hard to do. But for now, we're moving onward, hand in hand down the beaches of Saipan, with Nathan and Danielle tucked deep in our hearts, always with us. Danielle is our rock. Howard emails her frequently. Google chat keeps me in touch. And mental thoughts keep us with Nathan. And so it will be. Let it be.